I love being a mom but…
How would you finish that statement?
I love being a mom but…I get so frustrated
I love being a mom but…I’m afraid I’m going to mess it up
I love being a mom but…I don’t have what it takes
Being a mom is the world’s most important job. It’s also one of the hardest jobs.
We are raising the next generation after all (no pressure).
I mean, there are parenting books, moms groups, family and friends to go to for support but in the end, we get this one chance to “do it right.”
And what does doing it right even mean?
What kind of mom do you want to be?
Well, your kids don’t want a perfect mom, they want YOU!
So, what gets in the way of becoming the mom you want to be?
Does fear, anger and MomGuilt trip you up?
You CAN know what causes you to feel frustrated, afraid, and guilty as a mom; what your triggers and blind spots are. Self-awareness is the key. Knowing why you do what you do, how you’re wired, and how you see the world creates confidence, peace, and empathy.
FEAR
Do you wish you could wrap your kids up in bubble wrap when you send them to school?
Are you tossing and turning all night, worried about your kids’ future?
Do you track your child’s every breath, every move, every word?
I get it!
We get bombarded with TMI on the Internet. School shootings, sickness, fake news.
I would find myself comparing to other moms to make sure I wasn’t missing something or that I was doing it “right.”
Then I discovered what triggered my fear.
When I became more self aware of what caused these feelings of anxiety and thoughts of being out of control, I became more confident and began to parent in courage. My kids saw that I was doing the best I could and started to trust myself. They didn’t feel like I was overprotecting them anymore and being that “helicopter mom” that caused them to be afraid.
Ask yourself…
What am I afraid of?
Is this a real or perceived fear?
What is the worst that could happen? (And play that story out in your head).
Most of our fears and stories we tell ourselves don’t happen or come true. These questions will help you see things clearly and calm your anxious heart.
ANGER
Do you find yourself yelling at your kids all the time?
Do your kids hide from you, afraid of you?
Do they lie to you so you don’t get mad?
I get it! I was an angry mom, yelling at my kids to get them to do what I wanted them to do. Yelling at them because they messed up. Yelling at them as if they were to blame for my unhappiness.
Then I learned about what triggered my anger. That self awareness gave me the tools and the confidence I needed.
I started to enjoy being a mom. I let things roll off my back and gained peace in my home. My kids started to open up and trust me with what was going on. Our relationship is now based on trust and forgiveness.
Do you want to enjoy being a mom?
Ask yourself…
What do I need to “let go” of ?
Why am I so frustrated?
Am I afraid of something?
Finding out where the anger is coming from will create empathy for yourself and your kids.
SHAME
Do you struggle with MomGuilt?
Are you scouring the internet for solutions, guides and formulas to make sure you are doing it “right”?
Are you comparing your mothering to others?
Are you beating yourself up for mistakes you’ve made?
I get it!
I felt guilty about not knowing my daughter had ear infections until she was 3. I would yell at her for not listening to me. I didn’t know she couldn’t hear me. I would beat myself up and tell myself that I was a failure and was a bad mom.
The first thing that needs to be clear is to make sure you know the difference between guilt and shame because the solution is different.
MomGuilt says “I did something bad.” This is solved by apologizing and asking for forgiveness.
Shame says “I am a bad mom.” The solution to shame is different. Shame goes deep. Its core is negative self talk, false beliefs, and self accusations.
Shame says:
I am defective
I am incompetent
I am nothing
Are you telling yourself these stories and lies?
Ask yourself…
What am I THINKING? (Is it true?)
What am I FEELING?
What are my ACTIONS?
How does my BODY feel?
Believing what is true about yourself and the situation will create a sense of confidence and courage.
Fear, anger and shame are areas all moms struggle in. But as you become more self aware, change will be easier, more effective, and lasting. You will have the confidence, joy, and peace you desire and become the mom you want to be.
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About Erin Slutsky
Erin is a mom of four very different and wonderfully unique daughters ages 15-23. And a grandmother of one adorable granddaughter! She has been married to her husband (Aaron) for over 28 years.
Erin is also a nurse, an accredited Enneagram practitioner, and MOPS International mentor and coach with over 20 years of experience.Her love for moms and desire to empower them for the world’s most important job is what makes her heart beat. She understands child development and family dynamics.
Teaching, coaching and equipping mothers of all types using the enneagram has been the key to helping moms see their world differently. Once they become more self aware, they become confident, courageous and calm in their parenting.
You can connect with Erin through her website www.momsensecoaching.com
